So I decided to face whatever shit that's been preventing me from writing this review. Yes, I am dreading this. But I feel like I need to say something so I can finally move on with my life and maybe when I look back thinking about Gus and Hazel, I won't be hurting much. Or maybe not.
But whatever. I am ready for this. I think?
Well people, here's a fact: 17 months after its release, I finally decided to read it. I know, people, trust me, I know.
So what took me so long? Honestly, I don't know. My TBR list grew out of hand and I purposefully stayed away from it like it was a cancer. The irony, huh?
There was once this book that I read and wrote my first ever book review and it was about death, loss, cancer. The usual shitty stuff. Oh wait, that isn't usual is it?
After reading that and writing a review, I stayed away from books dealing with cancer stuff like they're a plague. One book and I've had enough. I thought that book would be the most emotional book for me. I was traumatized. Why not? I've had this unfortunate experience with the fucking disease. I've lost someone so close to my heart because of it. So shoot me if I decided one book is enough to hurt me like hell.
Seven months after reading that book I decided to finally read TFiOS. I felt like I was ready, thinking that I've already read the book that crushed me and there is no way in this lifetime that there'd be a second book that'd do the same thing. But boy was I wrong. So, so wrong.
The Fault in Our Stars ruined me. It destroyed me like a Category 6 hurricane would wipe out a neighborhood, if there is even one. It ripped my heart out and handed it to me still beating. I saw it, I saw I was holding my heart on my palm still beating. And then I saw and felt the beating stopped.
It was just a damn book and it shouldn't be allowed to affect a person so much that you can feel the pain physically. I don't know about you people, but I felt my heart constricted several times while reading this book. Maybe it's because I can relate to the pain? Or maybe because John Green created such a powerful story?
Having talked about pain like it's my only business in this world, The Fault isn't about only that. You maybe discouraged to read it because of the way I talked about it but please don't. The Fault in Our Stars maybe the most painful book for me but it's also the most heartwarming book I've ever read.
It isn't just about loss, it's also about finding love and friendship amidst life's trials. It's about finding your support system when you least expect it. It's about acceptance, about fulfilling dreams and wishes, about believing.
I wanted to do something like what Sy did with her review of TFiOS, list down the Crying Jag parts. We actually have the same ones. So here goes...
Warning: Contains spoilers which I think are necessary to drive the point home.
Crying Jag Part One:
It's the latter part of the book that'd really do you. I mean, the book is perfectly written having the first half building emotions, preparing you for the worst. But it never really prepared me. So for the first crying festival:
Back to the hotel in Amsterdam and Gus started telling Hazel "
Just before you went into the ICU, I started to feel this ache in my hip."
Goosebumps. Tears. Couldn't breathe. It was one of the most painful parts for me because it has confirmed the lingering fear I had.
Crying Jag Part Two:
Chapter 17, Hazel: I was hoping he didn't remember that I'd found the boy I love deranged in a wide pool of his own piss.
My heart broke for the both of them because I know the feeling exactly. I can perfectly picture Gus's face when he remembered, and you wouldn't want pity to show on your face. It fucking hurts, man. Trust me on this one.
Crying Jag Part Three:
The gasoline station scene where I think even those people void of feeling anything would be affected. I lost it at this point. I lost my grip on reality for a while there. I wasn't really able to tell which is reality and which is not. I thought I was Hazel Grace, because if I wasn't her, how come I felt a surreal amount of pain? John Green messed it up big time, for me.
Crying Jag Part Four:
The pre-funeral. Of course, just when I thought I 'd experience every emotion I could John Green springs this one on me. Wow, thank you, Green. Thank you so much I didn't know my heart is capable of dealing with those painful stuff until I read your book. *deciding if I'm to use sarcasm or not*
Crying Jag Part Five:
Gus's letter to Hazel Grace. Please people, if you decide not to read the whole book because of the emotional mess that it is, just please read this letter. Read it, and tell me that there is no good in loving someone if you knew you'd eventually lose them. And then I will tell you to fuck off, because.
~Playlist~
So I've decided that the song In My Veins is my song for this entire book. I'm not sure why, but I feel like it fits Gus and Hazel's story. Also, I think When I Look To The Sky by Train is a perfect song of Hazel's situation. You know, after everything.
So there, I don't think my review gave justice to what the book really is but hey, I've tried my best. If you're into New Adult and you think you won't love this book, think again. It might not fit into your current book flavor but please just give this book one shot. I promise it won't disappoint. One of the best books I've read my entire life.
Thumbs up, Green, thumbs up.
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